Thursday, October 13, 2005
“spiraling into an abyss”
A friend/co-worker of mine who, by the way, is currently enjoying the good life in Costa Rica, during a recent e-mail exchange said he had read my blog. His comment to me was that “your good nature is spiraling into an abyss”. Well Jim you are right and it really sucks. I have always been rather laid back and easy going. Well, at least since my later 20’s.
Now I have the task ahead to re-discover that attitude. It’s easy to blame it on India. I mean, come on now, nothing ever goes right here (except the Indian food, which is awesome) and nothing ever goes as planned. I could blame it on being separated from my family and friends. I could blame it on not being able to hold my girlfriend or ride my bike. The fact of the matter is all these things and more contribute to it. But the bottom line is that all these things have always been a part of my life on some level or another so why am I reacting so differently to my circumstances this time around?
I am not a prejudiced person. I don’t judge people by their nationality or the color of their skin or their sexual preferences. Because of this, I really dislike the negative feelings I have for this country and most of the people I’ve met here. I think I need to find a way to be more accepting but don’t know how. I know if I was on holiday and just visiting for the first time, I would have an entirely different perception of the country. Unfortunately, that is not the case and I can’t just forget all that has happened here with regard to the job, hotel, etc. I won’t even go into the fight I almost got into last night.
Still, bottom line, I need to re-adjust my attitude and be more accepting. I need to accept things for what they are and move forward rather than backward. At one point in my life I read a lot of those ‘self help’ books and they changed me in many subtle ways at that time so I wonder if I can find a book about… what? … anger management? … self control? …
I only wish that I had started this blog at the beginning of the year. Then there would be really cool stories with lots of pictures of the times I spent in Northern Ireland, Spain and France. Looking back I remember thinking that the Northern Ireland job wasn’t very good because of the location as Derry or Londonderry, depending on which side of the political arena you fall on, is an industrial and not very friendly town. Now I think, wouldn’t it be absolutely lovely to return there. Maybe that’s what this is all about… I was meant to be here so I could appreciate my other assignments. That means, oh no, it couldn’t happen, could it? … I might find myself in some other place that will give me an “appreciation” for this part of India. Please tell me it ain’t so.
I’m getting more and more serious about settling back down to a “regular” job or at least one that doesn’t travel as much or as far. Maybe something that would keep me just in FL or in the southeast region of the US. I think I have a good 15 years of work left in me and maybe it’s just time for me to be more settled and travel less…
Now I have the task ahead to re-discover that attitude. It’s easy to blame it on India. I mean, come on now, nothing ever goes right here (except the Indian food, which is awesome) and nothing ever goes as planned. I could blame it on being separated from my family and friends. I could blame it on not being able to hold my girlfriend or ride my bike. The fact of the matter is all these things and more contribute to it. But the bottom line is that all these things have always been a part of my life on some level or another so why am I reacting so differently to my circumstances this time around?
I am not a prejudiced person. I don’t judge people by their nationality or the color of their skin or their sexual preferences. Because of this, I really dislike the negative feelings I have for this country and most of the people I’ve met here. I think I need to find a way to be more accepting but don’t know how. I know if I was on holiday and just visiting for the first time, I would have an entirely different perception of the country. Unfortunately, that is not the case and I can’t just forget all that has happened here with regard to the job, hotel, etc. I won’t even go into the fight I almost got into last night.
Still, bottom line, I need to re-adjust my attitude and be more accepting. I need to accept things for what they are and move forward rather than backward. At one point in my life I read a lot of those ‘self help’ books and they changed me in many subtle ways at that time so I wonder if I can find a book about… what? … anger management? … self control? …
I only wish that I had started this blog at the beginning of the year. Then there would be really cool stories with lots of pictures of the times I spent in Northern Ireland, Spain and France. Looking back I remember thinking that the Northern Ireland job wasn’t very good because of the location as Derry or Londonderry, depending on which side of the political arena you fall on, is an industrial and not very friendly town. Now I think, wouldn’t it be absolutely lovely to return there. Maybe that’s what this is all about… I was meant to be here so I could appreciate my other assignments. That means, oh no, it couldn’t happen, could it? … I might find myself in some other place that will give me an “appreciation” for this part of India. Please tell me it ain’t so.
I’m getting more and more serious about settling back down to a “regular” job or at least one that doesn’t travel as much or as far. Maybe something that would keep me just in FL or in the southeast region of the US. I think I have a good 15 years of work left in me and maybe it’s just time for me to be more settled and travel less…
